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Frank

Viki
Saturday, April 30, 2005
 
Know Thyself
In Latin it is, "Nosce te ipsum."

The more famous Greek translation, from Aristotle, is "Gnothi Sauton," which was over the entrance to the temple of Apollo at Delphi.
Friday, April 29, 2005
 
A HISTORY OF POPPY PRODUCTION
Other things come from Tasmania as well...


 
Leatherwood Honey
Tasmanian Leatherwood Honey is one of the finest honeys in the world. It has a "spicy" flavor, and I hear tell it makes a mean mead.

Link
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
 
Learning Lay and Lie
If you don't know this by now, you should. "Fowler's Modern Usage" has the best article on "lay and lie" that I've seen, but it's not online. This one is online.

Link
 
MtG Lair - Monty Python Set
This is an *excellent* parody of the greatest card game of all time, Magic.

Link
 
Bunny suicides
When the bunnies need some creative self-destruction...

Link
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
 
Nyrdl Madness
A weird-ass flash game with no instructions that gets more and more bizarre.

Link
 
Bacon Strips Bandages
Unfortunately, not with real bacon.

Link
 
Top 10 What Have the Brits Ever Done For Us
Kind of funny. Kind of whatever. Somehow noteworthy.

Link
 
Online test based on Jung - Myers-Briggs typology
It must be online quiz day. I'm an ENPF. What a shock.

Link
 
Neocon Quiz
This fairly well-produced quiz indicates that I am, after all, a liberal.

Link
Monday, April 18, 2005
 
The Slashing of the Christ
Holy dogshit. It's bible slash. Here's the first story:
Just found this list and thought I'd contribute my one and only Jesus fic.

Title: Sinking in a Gentle Pool of Wine
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Jesus/Judas
Disclaimer: If you don't like, don't read. No offence intended to anyone of any faith
Summary: A sleepless night in Gethsemane

Yep. We're going to hell.

Link
 
Ted Jesus Christ God
Ted Jesus Christ God is the second (or third?) coming of Jesus, God, Yahweh, and all that hooey. But, the advantage Ted has over other competitors to the earthly throne of heaven is he's written the third book of the bible. Take that, evangelical protestantism.

Link
 
Your Game Room Sucks
Now, are those ordered alphabetically, or by genre?

Link
 
Sandsational Sand Sculpting
Some awesome sand sculptures. I've always wondered what the mix is to get the sand to harden so nicely. Perhaps a bit of clay, or mud, to thicken the stuff up when it dries. Dunno.

Link
 
Adobe purchases Macromedia
This is the biggest hitech news of the year. Of many years.

Link
Sunday, April 17, 2005
 
30 Qts of beer Pt. 2 1/2
Just returned from the coffee pot beer brewing experiment, had to leave early, before even the first pot was done.

It's called Chocolate Viki Love.

First of all, $4 per jar? Hello-I bought a dozen Ball jars at Jewel for $7.99.

I think we should be actively blogging this, like those blogging geeks who bring their laptops to news conferences and whatnot and blog along in "real time." Maybe next week, for the tasting, that should be what we do. I took a few pictures, and will post them as soon as possible.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
 
30 Quarts of Beer pt 2
Today we went out and bought jars. Lots and lots of jars. We bought this many jars:



Well, actually, that's only half of what we got. We ended up getting 16 jars total: 8 were quart jars, 8 were half-quart jars.

The original plan was to brew up 30 quarts of beer, however that has deviated a bit; the reason being: that's a lot of fucking beer brewing. And those quart jars weren't cheap, either. Being stuck in Chicagoland, we basically had to purchase them new from some yuppie container store and ended up paying about $4 each for them. God, what I would've given to be back in Indiana doing this! I could just call an aunt or something and she'd be like, "Come over, I have as many as you need."

Well, I'm not in Indiana, so I got shilled, but that's not the reason that I backed off of 30 quarts. I'll spend the dough, believe me. The reason is that I couldn't remember my math. I've been having these crushing migraine headaches for about the last two weeks, and when we were in the store today, the math just wasn't adding up in my head: how much malt we bought, how many coffemakers we were goin to have, the total output of each coffee pot, quarts to liters, and fancy, decorative glasses in the store EVERYWHERE. So I just kind of overloaded and erred on the side of caution. Rachel and KJ agree that this was the best idea, as exemplified in this photo:


...or maybe there's a little dubious consideration of the whole scheme in there...

And I forgot the rest of my shopping list, so I rounded everything out with some beautifully-decorated collins glasses and a couple of fancy highball glasses.

So, tomorrow, I have to go out and get:

Yar. We're really into it now. Whoever you are, wish us luck!
 
30 Quarts of Beer (Pt 1)
Well, I sent out the following invitation to a dozen or so people on Thursday:


I posted an article a few days ago entitled "How to brew beer in a
coffee pot." Well, this Sunday I'm going to test out my theory, and
you're all invited. I'll get all of the supplies, including a
cheap-ass coffee maker from Costco or something, hops, wheat, and
whatever else goes into beer, and we'll cook the shit up to see what
the deal is.

Now, what you're coming over for is a fun and creative mess. What
you're NOT coming over for is homemade beer. WTF??? you ask? After
we "brew" the beer in the coffee pot, it has to sit for 5-7 days to
ferment. Therefore, this is a BYOB event since the beer we're making
will not be ready yet, and I pretty much have a full bar if you want
martinis or whatnot.

At this meeting of beer lovers, nay, BIRTHERS, beer birthers, we'll
decide the time and place to get together to savor our culinary
creations (most probably the sunday next).

Sounds like a commitment to me!

Well, Thursday evening we bailed out of our various obligations to head over to Bev Art Brewer & Winemaker Supply, home to the Wild Blossom Meadery & Winery, to purchase all of our hops, malts, and yeasts. There, we met Kazys Ozelis (first name pronounced "Kos"), an awesome dude who was not only patient with our newbishness when it came to the differences between base malts and specialty malts (and 100 other questions), but was thorough in hooking us up with what we needed. He even busted out some of the "Wild Blossom" private reserve, and we all had a drink to him.


Frank, the fearless leader, *really* tries to get his point across


Let's all drink to KJ, because she drinks to us!


And so does Al! We may have a trend here (let's ask Viki!)

Our manifest of ingredients is:
Malts

So the idea here is that we mix in the 1/8 lb specialty malts into a bit of the base malt to kind of "flavor" it. At least that's what the instructions I downloaded from teh intarweb told me to do.

Yeasts


Hops

I can honestly say that I forgot any difference between the two.

With the supplies that we have, we have the potential for making any combination of 32 different varieties of beer. And that was the original plan: 30 quarts of beer, each different. But then, pt. 2 happened....
 
Don't Press the Red Button
No matter what you do...

Link
 
Intolerable Beauty
Portraits of American Mass Consumption. The photo of the discarded cell phones--there must be thousands piled up there--is made more shocking by the photo of the discarded cell phone chargers.

Link
Friday, April 15, 2005
 
The Official Pat Sajak Website
Well, not much more than that needs to be said, except that I didn't know that Sajak was a staunch (and outspoken) conservative. In his blog, "Sajak says...", he expresses his viewpoints on many political issues. He's well-written, and, even though he and I probably hold diametrically opposed political ideologies, his prose is well-conceived and executed. It's a lesson for being an articulate writer, that's for sure, especially when you're talking politics.

Link
 
Belgian Beer Celebration in Chicago
Chicago is the location for the Belgian Beer Celebration, with lots and lots of beers. Tickets are $35, and the location is at Kendell College, at Halsted St. & Chicago St.
At Kendall College of Chicago this weekend, that will be more a glory than a gag. Connoisseurs of fashion have been rolling the names of clever Belgian designers off the tongue for more than a decade--Dries van Noten, Ann Demeulemeester--but the reputation, and snob appeal, of Belgian beer and cuisine remains more exotic. From a kingdom half the size of Lake Michigan, more than 350 different concerns produce 800 types of beer, over 100 of which will be represented this weekend at Chicago's first Belgian Beer Celebration.


Link [Thanks, Michol!]
 
Wendy's Finger not caused by Leopord
OK, is it just me, or is this whole "finger in the chili" thing getting a bit out of hand when the accused defingerer is a member of the Great Cat family?

People: the lady who found the finger did it herself. Isn't that obvious by now? History of lawsuits like this; no claim on the finger (probably from a corpse); and the police executed a search warrant on her house. She did it. They can't prove it, but she did it. The only victim here, ironically, is Wendy's, for having to put up with this bullshit.

So please leave the leopards out of it.
 
Nationality Confusion
OK, here's the setup:
A judge in New York has awarded compensation to a prominent British Columbia family over property the Nazis seized in Austria before the Second World War.

Now, how exactly does the US Government pay out to Canadians for what some Germans did in Austria sixty years ago? I think the answer is in the article somewhere, but I'm not exactly sure I can decipher all of that...

Link
 
The Party is over in AU
Yeah, cause all the ecstacy that was on the island got siezed the other day. A literal ton--as in a TON--of ecstacy was seized by the coppers, and now we're relocating the rave to New Zealand.

Article includes a pic of what a ton--yes, a TON--of ecstacy looks like.

Link
 
British Military Planned Chicken-Powered Nuke
Because Communism was that bad.

Link [via dave barry]
 
Bukakke Cookies
For when you're cooking with someone you love (to cum on).

Link
 
Big Ten: March to the Pope
...and you thought your NCAA brackets were aggressive!

Link
 
Virtual Dog Update
Well, it's official in Japan: Nintendogs have hit the market. And, better yet, they're made for a handheld console. Tomagotchi part II: With Vengence.

Now let's get them trained up for Virtual Dog Pit Fighter!!

Previous Post.

Link
 
PETA gets doused in Brownsville
PETA, in their recent "Kentucky Fried Cruelty campaign, recently got a dousing from an owner of a KFC they'd come to protest. The owner, some guy in Brownsville, TX, had already been hit by the protesters at another franchise that he owns, so he was prepared for them this time around, and hit them with the sprinkler system.

I'm a fan of PETA, but funny is what funny is.

Link
Thursday, April 14, 2005
 
The End of the World
The End of the World. It's coming, have no doubt.

And this might be how it happens. If so, at least I'll be laughing.

And Australia's like "WTF?" And the US is like "Fuck, we're dumbasses."

You'll laugh.
 
Remote Control Headless Fruit Flies
File under: Holy Fucking Dogshit...

Some scientists used lasers to stimulate the neurons of fruit flies to get them to do stuff. They then chopped the heads off of the fruit flies and found out that they could still get them to do stuff. That's right: they're remote controlling headless, zombie fruit flies with lasers. They could even get them to fly.

This is the best news I've heard all year.

Link
 
Coffee Pot Beer Field Test
As mentioned in this post on Daily Traversal, it is entirely possible to brew beer in a coffee pot. Not only is it possible, but it's recommended. So, in the interest of science everywhere, we're going to run a field test of this at The Top Shelf (aka Frank's house) and find out just what is the hooplah. And guess what: you're invited. RSVP with me and let's see what kind of a mess we can make.

f.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
 
The Legend of Sasquatch Mountain
Today's moment of trippiness.

Link
 
Bank robber get's creamed on his getaway.
Robber trades two hostages for a motorcycle to make his getaway. It doesn't work.

Link
 
Practical Jokes
A big list of anecdotes about practical jokes. Some amusing, some dangerous, all hillarious.

Link
 
Leisure Suit Larry History
The history of Leisure Suit Larry, arguably one of the most iconic video game characters ever.
Larry, Mr Larry Laffer, a 40 something all American male, started his adventuring life in the Land of The Lounge Lizards. He has one simple objective - to lose his virginity by sundown and the clock is ticking...

The time is already 22.00 and armed with $94 and a breath spray, Larry has the delights of Lost Wages to explore in his quest to find a woman willing to share a bed with him. Good luck Larry - you'll be needing it!

Link
 
America We Stand as One Part II
Well, it appears that someone has created a mash between "America We Stand as One" and "America, Fuck Yeah!" from "Team America." Fuck yeah! But, apparantly, the original artist of "America We Stand as One", Dennis Madalone, has responded and is none too pleased.

[shamelessly ganked from mefi]
 
One more, then I swear I'll stop
Sumo Florist! Hallelujah for his cock!

You absolutely have to go to rathergood.com and check out the fun for yourself. I cannot stop laughing. Make sure you check out the Viking Kittens. They want to take you to a gay bar.
 
rathergood.com
I can't get enough of the fun on rathergood.com. I'm still laughing, and it's making it hard to type.

Anal Seepage

 
My new personal anthem, and it could be yours too!
Rock out. If you've got a hangover, you might not want to have the volume turned up too high.

The First Drink of the Day
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
 
NBC5.com - News - Local Art Exhibit Gets Visit From Secret Service
NBC5.com - News - Local Art Exhibit Gets Visit From Secret Service

This relates to Frank's earlier post today about the visit by the Secret Service to an exhibit at Columbia College, where I am a student (and where I met our esteemed leader).

Just for fun, I voted in the little survey off to the side: "The US Secret Service paid a visit to a Columbia College art show that included a mock US stamp showing Pres. GW Bush with a gun to his head. Did the Secret Service overreact?"

I voted YES, of course, and I'm trying to figure out why I was shocked when the results popped up (at 10:37 p.m Central time): 36% agreed with me. 64% said no.

It would totally ruin the layout of this post for me to post WTF???? big enough to accurately portray what I am feeling at this moment.

I know I shouldn't be shocked that 64% of the people viewing the NBC 5 website would think it is not an overreaction on the part of the Secret Service. I really know I shouldn't.

But I still am.

I don't want to be a freaked-out, conspiracy-theorist artist. I REALLY REALLY don't want to be. But, what the hell is this country heading towards?

FUCK.
 
Secret Service visits art show at Columbia
An artist featured in a show at Columbia College (where I live) in Chicago was visited by the secret service this past weekend. Al Brandtner, a Chicago artist unaffiliated with Columbia College, created a stamp with a picture of W. and a gun pointing at his head. The words "Patriot Act" appear below the image, and all is set nicely on a background of the US flag. I saw the invite before the show (which featured this particular stamp) and thought, "Yep, they're gonna come knocking." And they sure did. Personally, I think they should've put a supurting cock next to his head and written the words "Aids Nelly" under the image. Does that warrant a visit from the secret service?

Link
 
Atwood Kansas
Daniel, a resident of Attwood, KS, (which, btw, recently passed some total fag-hating law), gives a proper smackdown to the people there for their stupid, bigoted ways. Here is the email I just sent to him:
Hey, I'm some random guy on the net that ran across your story.. way to take a stand! You have press on metafilter.com, and now on my blog, frankcrist.blogspot.com. You should be proud of standing up for your beliefs and yourself, and fuck all those hoes in your home town. You'd think that those Kansans who exemplify this kind of backwards-thinking have had enough bashing in the media over the years, but it looks like you've just delivered another tooth-busting punch in the mouth for intolerant bigots everywhere. Way to go, and if you ever come to Chicago, you've got a beer on me!

Standing up for sexual orientation rights is the civil rights fight of our generation. You should ask yourself, "What the fuck do I care if GLBT folks want to live their lives?" and, for all the xians out there, truly ask yourself, "Would Jesus really fucking care?" DOUBTFUL.

Atwood Kansas
 
Rumsfeld warns Iraqis against cronyism
Most. Ironic. News. Article. Title. Evar.

Link
 
Talking Jesus Doll
Why does the Talking Jesus Doll have blue eyes and white skin? I wasn't aware that Jesus was from Bavaria.

Link
 
Mario theme
The themes to various Mario games, sung a cappella.

Link
 
How to dispose of a Christmas tree
Jack Skellington finally took control of Xmas. *Glee*

Link
 
Virtual reality dog
This is cool: the virtual reality dog as shown at IGN. I believe this is going to be a Gamecube app.

The dog is great, especially with regards to its facial expressions and reactions, but I wonder how they'll incorporate multi-player.

Hmm. Virtual dog. Multiplayer. Gamecube. Train dogs. Multiplayer. Kids. Does this add up to "Virtual Dogfight Pit" for anyone else?

Links
 
TERRI SCHIAVO'S FACE APPEARED ON MY PANCAKE
Everyone knows my love affair with Terri Shiavo, so here's the absolute, divine proof that she's an angel now. An angel, with Atkins-friendly maple syrup.

Link
 
How to Brew Beer in a Coffee Pot
I'm guessing that you wouldn't want to make coffee in this pot after you use it to make beer...

or WOULD you?

Link
 
Se7en Redux
Yes, it's the dramatic ending of Se7en reinacted...by stuffed animals.

"I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you...and your pretty wife."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It didn't work out, so I took a souvinier...her pretty head."

Link
 
latte art
A great collection of the finest Brownian motions you'll ever see.

Link
 
Modernist graphic design
This is a brief introduction to the "Modernist" styles of art and design. It's pretty dumbed down, concentrating on the "movements" rather than specific artists, but if you need a 2 minute primer to modernist movements, this is it.

Link
 
Bubble Bobble 2
A nice flash adaptation of Bubble Bobble 2, including, I believe, the original music (which is to say: MIDI beepiness at its finest).

Link
 
Yuri's Night
That's right, tonight, we're gonna have a party for Yuri. Yuri whom? How many fucking Yuri's do you know?? Yuri Gagarin, natch! April 12, 1961, was the date that Yuri became the first human to go into space (unless you count heaven as space). There will be 60 parties in 21 countries on 6 continents on 1 planet. I'll hoist a shot of voddy for him here in Chicago. Na stravaya!

(Here is the Wikipedia page for this hero of secular humanity)

Link
 
To Rule the Earth...
Who had the largest empire? More importantly, how many square miles did it occupy?
No one person has ever achieved rulership over the whole planet. Which states have come closest to this measure? What follows is a table of the 25 largest states and empires to have held sway over the earth at one time or another. The figures for their sizes are approximations for the most part - many of these states held only vague or ill-defined frontiers. The figures given are also drawn from the period of maximum extent for the nation involved

You will drink tea with your imperial overlords.

Link
 
Phoenix 1000 Luxury Submarine
Yes, you can own your very own luxury submarine. Hagbard Celine, here we come. From the blurb:
The Phoenix 1000 is a 65-meter (213') personal luxury submarine. The initial design was originally executed for a client and now awaits a buyer. As proposed, the submarine would constitute the single largest private undersea vehicle ever built, and arguably, one of the most significant personal transportation devices of the century.

Price: unknown.

Link
Monday, April 11, 2005
 
707 Barrel Roll
No shit.

Boeing executives not amused.

Link
 
America We Stand As One
It isn't real. It isn't real. It isn't real. It isn't real.

Is it still there?

Damn.

It isn't real. It isn't real. It isn't real...

Link
 
Wild dolphins off Brazil engage in homosexual behavior
Just in case you didn't know, dolphins are gay. They're flocking to Massachusetts to get married.

Link
Sunday, April 10, 2005
 
Clay Kitten Shooting
This one's for Frank.

Clay Kitten Shooting
Saturday, April 09, 2005
 
For the coffee-lovers/coffee-haters amongst us.
There is not much of a language barrier when it comes to coffee, I think it speaks for itself.

Hint: don't forget to press 'APRI' when it shows.
 
Puki - The Swarm
An addictive and brainless flash shooter where you kill a bunch of cute little aliens for... some reason. Gratification, perhaps.

Link
 
The Old Negro Space Program
They had names like "Loopy" Louis hayes, "Suitcase" Jefferson, and "Rocket" Ramblin. What they lacked in technical know-how, the more than made up for in courage and zeal. The courageous heroes of the Old Negro Space Program.

I'd apologize, but I'm laughing too hard.

Link
 
Totten - Blogging for Lebanon
Michael Totten, a political blogger, is over in Lebanon working towards its independence from Syrian occupation. I couldn't find much about Totten, either on his own blog, or on the spirit of america blog, but he appears to be a moderate independent. At any rate, his blog is a fascinating view of what's going on in Lebanon today.

Link
 
Tough Kids
This video, which consists of young, beautiful kids acting tough and dancing around, reminds me of the Ultrabrights from the Bruce Sterling novle, "Schizmatrix."

Dunno what the context here is... something to do with the site, duckling.dk.

Linkl
 
Jewish Chewish Toys
In the words of Harry Shearer, "You just can't make this stuff up, ladies and gentlemen."

Link
 
This is a Cry For Help
This is a Cry For Help

Sick humor for the whole family! (that's their moto, not my recommendation. Contains graphic pictures that may not be suitable for some of you with the kid-type-creatures. :)

If I were a serial killer, I'd be: Ted Bundy
My suicide of choice is to, hang myself
But I am most likely going to die, of Natural Causes
And my porn name is, Lolita Nympho

And there is hours of fun to be had with the "dead baby dress up"

All-in-all. A nice way to start the day.
Friday, April 08, 2005
 
Lesbian Paperback Covers
For everyone who loves both pulpy fiction and lesbian, allow the twain to meet.

Link
 
And you thought your separatist group rocked
ScorpionHela: their mascot is.. spongebob??
ScorpionHela: hehe or maybe patrick because his head is pointy like theirs

Link [thanks Alowicious Spankalicious!]
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
 
Do the Schiavo
By posting this, I think I just significantly accelerated my position in the queue to cross the river styx and go directly to hell.
Schiavo

n.

1. Terri Schiavo, the Florida women who became a vegetable when her heart failed due to a condition brought on by her eating disorder. She became the center of a media circus and political pawn when her parents fought against her husband in the courts to try to keep her alive (her husband contended that she wouldn't want to be kept alive in such a state.) Her husband won and her feeding tube was removed. On March 31, 2005 she died of starvation.
2. A person who is in need of a feeding tube to stay alive; a vegetable.
3. An act of posing as a vegetable or coma patient (often for a picture); "On three, everybody do the Schiavo!"

adj.

1. Vegetative; physically inactive; "He was so stoned he looked schiavo."
2. To be in need of a feeding tube.

v. intr.

1. Slang. To be extremly hungry; starving to death; “Lets eat, I'm totally schiavo”


Link
 
ROTTEN DEAD POOL
From my brother Goldsmooth:
You pick ten people, & it last for one year after you start. I got in just in time to score on Schiavo, the pope, and prince rainier. Fuck Yeah!!

Go, Goldsmooth, go!

Link
 
Lease Your Body
"Make thousands leasing your body to advertisers!"

That's what the site claims. You sign up, specify which body parts are worth how much to advertisers, then enter a 30-day contract with whatever soulless corporation contacts you. That's about it. The tattoos are temporary, and you set all the rules.

The only thing you have to ask yourself is: is it worth $5000.00 to have the Marlboro logo on your forehead for thirty days?

Link [thanks Rachel!]
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
 
CNN.com - Thompson's ashes to be shot from cannon - Apr 5, 2005
CNN.com - Thompson's ashes to be shot from cannon - Apr 5, 2005

Hunter, you're a madman, even in death.

I particularly like how, in the article, his wife is quoted as saying "I'd like to have several explosions. He loved explosions." And this quote is followed by "Thompson, 67, shot himself in the head..." I think he liked explosions just a little too much.

When they announce the details, I'm frickin' goin. Roadtrip anyone? How hilarious will this be?
 
A Mad Lib, for your enjoyment
My darling son A. requested that I post HIS madlib creation. Here it is. Just so you know, he's 8.

Father Goose Rhymes

Old Mother Hubbard went to the poop
To get her poop poop a bone.
When she got there, the poop was poop
And so her poop dog had none.

Jack and Jill went up the poop
to fetch a/an poop of water.
Jack fell down and broke his poop,
And Jill came tumbling after.

There was a little girl and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her poop.
And when she was poop, she was very, very poop,
And when she was bad, she was poop.

There was a poop woman
who pood in a shoe.
She had so many poop
She didn't know what to do.

That's funny, huh?

A. just said, "Aw, man, this is gonna be funny."


 
Funbrain
I don't know how many parents read Daily Traversal, and frankly, judging by our esteemed leader, I don't know how many of our readers should be parents (I know way too much-Mazola? Really. Hmmm).

But I have been led to the true realization of all that the web can be.

Mad Libs online. Plus some other stuff that kids will like and isn't associated with a toy that they'll want when you go to Target for some frickin toothpaste.

Funbrain.com. Go there. Be a kid. It's fun. These are the junior Mad Libs, however. If you want the not-so-junior version, go to Mad Libs. However, this requires dealing with a bunch of java pop up prompts. I like funbrain's junior versions better. Plus, you can type nouns in like poopyhead. Or verbs like fuck, and no one yells at you like your mother would when you made her do madlibs with you way back when.

Oh, and Frank? Can you whip up some sort of java pop up prompt thing that asks me, when I'm about to post, "Viki, have you been drinking?" If I hit no, I can post. If I hit yes, then my computer automatically shuts down until the next morning.

Copernicus
Four hundred years ago people knew little about our
snarky
universe. They thought that the earth was the
center of the entire cocktail and that the sun and all of the
beers revolved around it. But then a/an
Italian named Copernicus discovered the truth.
The earth revolves around the my left breast when I'm wearing a good bra
3049583049\
times a year.

Copernicus, whose last name was Smith, was born
in Warsaw, and he used one of the first drunk
telescopes, which was invented by Viki.
This primitive telescope was little more than two pieces of
orange roughy stuck on each end of a/an toe jam.
In 1600 an Italian writer named Galileo
expanded Copernicus's stupid theories, but during the
Inquisition in Italy he was slippery arrested. After
fucking for six months in jail, Galileo was
forced to eat.

I might have to take a basic grammar refresher course. But I swear, when I gave slippery, they asked for an adjective. Hmmm. However, quite fitting that the first drunk telescope would have been invented by Viki.


 
Open Source Web Design
As the man said: why did I fuck around for hours and hours trying to code an HTML template when I could've just downloaded and tweaked one of these?

Link
 
After College
In my job as the intern coordinator for my department in a private college, I am often confronted with students who simply have no idea what they're going to do after school. Even worse, they have no idea what they would want to do, even though they've been doing roughly the same thing for four years or so. For these students, these indecisive cists upon the ass of higher education, I offer up to them a set of guidelines that can help them make life's toughest decisions. I present: the Hobo Code.

Link
 
The 46 Best-ever Freeware Utilities
Pay for software? How ridiculous! But that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to steal it. Tech Support Alert put together a list of the 46 best freeware utilities, including best browser (duh), best personal firewall, and best free process debugger. This is a great list for techies and regular computer joes alike.

Link
 
Is the Pope really dead?
The controversy surrounds this photo.

Link
Friday, April 01, 2005
 
My vi kung-fu is faster than your anything
So I'm working on an intense programming project for the first time in a few years, and I can tell that I'm hip-deep in code because every text interface I encounter, from the textarea that I'm typing this entry in, to MSWord, I'm using vi hotkeys and shortcuts. From v ctl-L y, to :%s/teacher/faculty/gc. It is a crime, yes a crime, that every interface doesn't come standard with vi. There has never been a finer interface for every kind of text environment ever--including expository writing. Please, write your congressman with an email subject of, "Why aren't you helping millions of people better themselves through the mandated use of the vi command set?
 
Boring Boring: A Directory of Dull Things
I'm still shaking my head over this. Funniest. Parody. Ever. Especially for a bb fan like me.

Link
 
a bit of april foolery
Amusing, especially the legal language and the faq.

New! Google Gulp - quench your thirst for knowledge.

I like "Beta Carroty" in particular.
 
Roboscalper
I, for one, would like to welcome our new robotic overlords.

Link
 
MAME Cabinet DIY site
Bob Ugiansky built a MAME cabinet, so what, everyone does it. But he documented every step in the process, which makes this site a great resource for DIY MAMErs everywhere. Plus, he's the creator of the infamous Trash Cade!

Link

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