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Frank

Viki
Friday, September 30, 2005
 
I wasn't always like this...
FYI, the young boy who I reported was missing yesterday has been found. His mother (the kidnapper) turned herself in to police and handed Jordan over to authorities. He is in the hospital for observation, but appears to be unharmed.

Thanks!
Thursday, September 29, 2005
 
I wasn’t always like this…: God Help Us
� I wasn’t always like this…: God Help Us

Please help. A fellow blogger's child is missing. I know Daily Traversal isn't normally a place for serious subjects, but Kim is a favorite of mine, and her child is missing. Please follow the link to my blog entry on the subject, with pictures of Jordan and of his "mother" who abducted him.

He was abducted on Tuesday from Ohio, and authorities believe they may be headed to Florida or Mexico. Please forward this information to every person you know.

Because they are in the midst of a custody battle, authorities will not put out an Amber Alert. We can debate the merits of that STUPID FUCKING DECISION later, after this child is found.

Thank you.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
 
Virtual plague spreading like wildfire in World of Warcraft
"What happened next was something Blizzard did not expect. Some of the players who had gone into the instance emerged back into the main world of Azeroth, and started spreading the Corrupted Blood disease to others who they came into close contact with. The infection soon spread into many of the cities and towns in the virtual world. Since the disease was intended to be a danger to powerful players, it tended to kill those less than level 50 almost instantly."

So cool!! I want this to happen on my server!
Monday, September 26, 2005
 
Yuko Shimizu Portfolio "Letters of Desire -- Alphabet Book Project"
This project was done as part of my graduate studies at School of Visual Arts. The series was bound into one-of-a-kind artist book. The book as well as the original drawings were shown in two different exhibitions in New York in fall 2002.
Also, two of the images from this series has gotten into juried annual "American Illustration 21" (November 2002).
Right now, I am working on finding a publisher to publish the series as a book.

NSFW erotic alphabet.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
 
Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina
"Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet's smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing."

Heh, this is goofy.
 
thebrainfreeze.com
This is in the too-much-time-on-your-hands department.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
 
Ray
A great flash "Choose Your Own Adventure" style game, featuring animation done in the "South Park" style. You are Ray, a thug, and you get to make many skin-colored things red.
 
Retro Pin-up models
A great gallery of B&W pinups.
 
CG assassins get ass whooped
...by ass-kicking biker. Nifty CG animation.
 
Soldiers Spooked by New Orleans Spirits
Duh.
 
Female Bigfoot Paintings
And my aren't they sexy?
 
hippyshopper
I have found my arch-nemesis on teh Intarweb: Hippyshopper! A site that combines the worst in capitalism with the worst in social movements. Die, hippy capitalists!
 
How it should've ended
How various movies *should've* ended, including "Se7en", "Matrix Revolutions", and, my fave, "Braveheart."
 
Postage Paid Envelope Revenge
Tired of getting junk mail via USPS? Receive a lot of postage paid return envelopes? Our new friend, Jason Bell, helpfully explains that, since it's postage paid, you can send packages up to 72 lbs in weighton those envelopes. I love it!
Friday, September 23, 2005
 
Discovery Health :: Model :: Breast self-exam
For those days when, well, you just want to play with an computer boobie.

(Thanks, Al!)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
 
The Hasselhoff Image Database
The shining star for the Cult of Hasselhoff. Bringing world peace since 2005.
 
How Many Condoms at Once?
From the article:
Some of you may have heard of the practice of “double bagging” – wearing two condoms during sex for extra protection (something not recommended by most condom manufacturers) . Taking this idea to its ultimate extreme, we set out to answer the question “How many condoms can you put on your dick?” However, since we were unable to find anyone with a penis willing to undertake this assignment, we had to settle for answering the question “How many condoms can you put on a dildo?” The answer: a lot. Hundreds. Tons. Or at least a couple of pounds worth. See what happened as we layered on the latex.

 
Professional farter
Would it be false if Wikipedia had an article about it? Apparantly not. From the, er, source:
The art of farting was also practiced in the Far East, as is evident from a story dating to the Japanese Kamakura period (1185–1333), set forth in an illustrated scroll, tells of a professional performer of fart dances called Oribe, who tricked his rival into soiling and thus disgracing himself in an attempt to mimick him.

File under: Art in all forms.

(Thanks, Al!)
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
 
Insolitology - Guide to... fucking a dolphin
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you.

Uh, thanks, Al, I guess.
 
Ji Lee Pleaseenjoy
Some guy named Ji Lee... well, just read:
I printed 50,000 of these speech bubble stickers. I place them on top of movie posters, ads and signs all over New York City. Passers are invited to fill them in. I go back and photograph the results.

Site nav is a little weird... use the arrow at the bottom.
 
DopeScrew Episode 3!
Episode 3 of our podcast, DopeScrew, is on the net. Go check it out.
 
Dutch Talk-Show Host to Take Heroin on Air
From the article:
The host of a new Dutch talk show plans to take heroin and other illegal drugs on air in a program intended to reach young audiences on topics that touch their lives, producers said Wednesday.

The show, scheduled to premier on late-night television Oct. 10, is called "Spuiten & Slikken," or the "Shoot Up and Swallow" show.

Even in the liberal Netherlands, where marijuana is sold and used openly, the proposed action by presenter Filemon Wesselink is illegal, and the idea was met with dismay by the ruling center-right Christian Democrat party.

"This is dangerous, and it sets a bad example," said party spokesman Pieter Heerma. "We're going to ask the Justice Minister for his view on what the law says about this, and his view on the dangers and risks involved."

Goddamn, I love NL. We should have this guy on DopeScrew.
 
Underwater Photography Portfolio
Wow! A bunch of incredible undersea photos from David Doubilet, probably best-known for his National Geographic covers. Amazing stuff!
 
History: The first hundred years: XV: The Second Crusade
The University of Wisconsin has parts of the supercool "History of the Crusades" published online (link goes to the Second Crusade, a fiasco if e're there was one.) HOC is a definitive work dating back to the early Twentieth Century, and I almost got my hands on two volumes of them a few years ago. My grandparents had a bookstore, and when they closed it, they gave the volumes away because they didn't know I wanted them. Too bad! Great works presented on a well-formatted site.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
 
Recruits Sought for Porn Squad
Well, piss on my face and ram a synthetic fist up my rectum, pornography is becoming illegal again! That's right, the FBI is conducting a new operation to crack down on porn--that would be the consenting adult variety, made by adults for adults--in a new effort to "protect children and families." The idea is that they've diverted a pod of agents to become porn surfers, and identify the types that are most offensive to juries, and thus the most likely to be given guilty verdicts.

So get your cream-pies, golden showers, and midget sodomy while you can, perverts and deviants of the world, and realize that, yes, you may indeed be shot and killed (while resisting arrest) because you like to wank to completely legal and consenting images. God bless the new American Taliban (and God smite all of her enemies.)
Monday, September 19, 2005
 
GROW CUBE
Yar! It do be the third installment of th' landlubber "Grow" game. Search me archives for older references, maties.
 
Talk Like A Pirate Day
Yar! Call me boatswain and spank me poop hatch! It's Talk Like a Pirate Day, maties! Don thee leg o' peg, and watch ye the Spongebob Squarepants Movie, and never let 'em walk ye down the plank! Avast!
Friday, September 16, 2005
 
Ipecac Challenge
Ouch, let the poor guy at least poison himself first to make it worthwhile.

Edit: Note how much is in the bottle. Typical dosage is 1 - 2 tablespoons. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syrup_of_ipecac). Hosed!
Thursday, September 15, 2005
 
8-bit Art
Some sweet-ass artwork based on 8-bit video games.
 
Gay Penguins
I love it.
 
urban / rural / wild
A show in Chicago's UIUC gallery, I space, exploring the boundaries between the pristine and the inhabited.
 
Zombie Infection Simulation
Yet more on the state of zombies worldwide. This is a simulator with limited interactivity, but with a great set of rules. Basically: it lets the humans try to fight back. Makes a nice "zone out" page for your desktop when you're in your own world contemplating how to combat the oncoming zombie onslaught.
 
Tongue-eating bug found in fish
What. The. Holy. Fuck. This bug eats the tongue out of fish, then latches onto the stub and becomes a "replacement tongue."

Uh...
 
Imelda Marcos: These are all mine, stop auction
Imelda Marcos, shoe-wearing whore to the late (and incredibly evil) Phillipine dictator, Ferdinand Marcos, is finally having all of her seized jewelry sold at auction. The lady doth protest, however, saying in a court appearance the previous day, "These are all mine. Please stop this. This is too much repression." However, not specified is whether or not the proceeds of the auction can be turned back into blood to reanimate the myriad of corpses from whence the Marcos fortune came.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
 
Truck crash!
Okay, try to identify the first two cars two seconds after impact.
 
Dodge - Tomahawk - Flash
Why are we fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan? I'll tell you why:

THE 8.3-LITER VIPER MOTOR EMBEDDED WITHIN THE MOTORCYCLE FRAME OF THE DODGE TOMAHAWK! OH yes YES touch me TOUCH ME! 0-60 in 2.5 seconds! 300+ MPH max speed! And awesome atmospheric and ground effects! DIE ARABS!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
 
Bret Easton Ellis in Chicago
Shit! It figures that one of my all-time favorite authors will be in town when I'll be in southern Michigan picking grapes and bottling wine. Well, if you're in town, go check it out and let me know how it went. *sigh*
Sunday, September 11, 2005
 
Public Sex Stories
From the article:
Shortly after taking off my wife's blouse and getting her tits out, I noticed a face close to the window... I said, "I think someone is watching us," but this seemed to turn her on and she said turn the light on and let him see everything. I was a bit surprised but did as she said and stripped her completely naked making sure that he could see every part of her exposed body.

She seemed to delight in having her legs wide open and a strange man less than 2 feet away looking at her cunt which at this time was wide open and extremely wet... she then asked me to strip naked and lick her cunt and it was plain that the man outside had been joined by several others who were enjoying the display...

Not that I've ever done this before....
 
FSM Hits the Big Time
The Telegraph of UK--yes, the Telegraph--is running a feature article about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and how Pastafarians are being discriminated against in the discussion about Intellegent Design.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
 
Impeach Bush Coalition
You know, can this message be heard without a bunch of partisan bullshittery? I hope so, 'cause I'm not a Democrat. Bush is ruining this country. He has caused damage that will last for a generation.
 
Men's lingerie
I asked a friend of mine a very important question: Why is there so much sexy underwear for women but hardly any for men? I mean, this is one of the great pleasures for men and women alike: women wearing (or shopping for) sexy underwear. And my friend, dilligent researcher that she is, came up with some answers...

...in the form of sexy men's underwear!
Boxer Brief with Black Pouch (maybe the black is so it looks bigger??)
Many products, few pictures
Rayon PJs give that dapper look.
And my personal favorite: Not just for eating peanuts any longer!
 
The Million Dollar Homepage
1,000,000 squares. $1 per square. $1,000,000.
 
Animated Boobs
Because sometimes everyone needs a page full of animated boobs.
Friday, September 09, 2005
 
The Telecrapper 2000
"Green? Red?"

Also see: http://www.pagerealm.com/tc2k/
Thursday, September 08, 2005
 
Internet pioneer Vinton Cerf joins Google
Uh, holy shit, Batman. Vinton Cerf is the guy that basically created TCP/IP, the backbone protocol of the internet. It means that Google is now invincible.
 
How to skin a cat
...Uh, so you can make a purse with its, uh, fur. Hmm.
 
New Orleans: A Choose Your Own Adventure
You are an African-American living in a crack house in a New Orleans slum. You decided to stay and weather out Hurricane Katrina since you were not sure if you could score crack at any of the evacuation centers. The windows of the crack house were already boarded up, you had a couple days worth of rocks and some Fiddy Cent CDs to listen to on a portable boom box. In addition, most of your fellow crack heads had abandoned the house, leaving you to rummage through their stuff for stray crack rocks. You find a couple.

As crass as it is funny, it's... Choose Your Own Adventure, K5-Style!
 
Go Fuck Yourself, Dick Cheney
As heard around NOLA recently.
 
Gym Class
A handgun shootout in gym class.
 
Nazi Pigs
No really, a video about Nazi Pigs. For some Russian pop star.
 
FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER - THE GAME
Yar! Pastafarians rejoice! For now you may take the reigns of the FSM himself to convert the masses in this flash game. What do you convert them into? Pirates, natch!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
 
Mad Meg
I'm told that she does all of this using a bic pen and notebook paper.
 
MSN Encarta - Does IM Make U Dum?
IDK! WTF, GTFO FFS.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
 
Dope Trick Shots
I guess this guy wasn't working on his thesis after all...
 
SSI Shredding Demonstrations
Watch industrial shreders go nuts on everything from cars to tree stumps to DVDs. Damn this looks fun.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
 
A Dancing Fool
It's not me, if you're wondering. My white-guy moves aren't so fresh.
 
Tom Cruise is a Wacko Nutjob
We all know this, but it's interesting hearing it from his own mouth. To wit:
"I was much happier in previous existences when I wrote plays, composed music, conquered nations, discovered continents and developed cures for diseases"

"When I was languishing in prison before being sent to exile, [fiancee Katie Holmes] used to send me notes hidden inthe collar of her pug dog. She's my eternal soulmate."

Time to start laying off the e-meter sessions, bub.
 
Zombies descend upon Erwin Center
Another zombie sighting. That's the fifth one in August. I'm telling you: the problem is getting worse.

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